“Look how blue the water is!” We’ve all heard it before; heck, you’ve most likely said it yourself.

That statement will haunt me for an eternity. I wish I were being dramatic, but unfortunately, I am scarred for life.

This incident takes place in the Everglades, where almost all of my crazy stories come from.

Setting Out Alone

A few years back, I decided to take a solo trip out to the glades.

I had the day off, and nobody could go with me.

I got up early and trailered my skiff to Chokoloskee to fish the backcountry.

The weather was outstanding, and the tides were perfect.

Everything was going great. I fished most of the morning and caught a good number of snook.

Then, I decided to go a little deeper into the backcountry to try and find some early-season tarpon.

The Call of Nature

I made it to my spot and began heading toward my target area.

It was at that time when I felt a little rumble in my stomach. Not a big deal; I was alone, and there was not a soul around for miles.

Usually, I would hang over the side of the skiff and do my business.

However, that fateful day, there was a Port-a-potty on a chickee about 200 yards from me. In case you didn’t know, a chickee is an elevated platform in the middle of the water used for camping.

In my case, it became a restroom.

So, I motored on over, tied my skiff off, and climbed onto the deck to use the facilities.

The Unexpected Splash

With my public restroom protocol initiated (wiping and lining the seat with TP), it was go-time.

A complete feeling of relief was immediately followed by total horror.

I guess the water level was a little high in the Port-o-Let, and when Mr. Hanky dropped, it created a splash that would have wowed the most seasoned cannonball contestant.

Frozen with fear! I slowly reached for the toilet paper, trying to assure myself that did not happen and everything was OK.

It wasn’t OK! My fears came true! My cheeks had blue toilet water on them!

Cleaning Up

After confirming I had toxic waste on me, I busted through the door and jumped into my skiff to wash off.

I am so glad I was as remote as I was because my pants were around my ankles, and everything was out for all to see.

Once I cleaned myself up and laid in the fetal position for a bit, I got up and laughed like a crazy person.

As horrible as it was, I wish that someone was with me to share the laughter.

Even though the laughs would 100% be directed at me and not with me.

By sharing this hilarious yet horrifying experience, I hope to bring a smile to your face. Remember, even the most seasoned adventurers have their embarrassing moments.

Tight lines and happy fishing!

 

Capt. Vince Bini